Here’s the thing. About 15 years ago I was in a spoken word group called Writer’s Bloc, and they published a chapbook I had put together called The Secret Of Scottish Football. It consisted of three stories, all vaguely football-related, all including supernatural elements (or at least someone who believed in the supernatural), all Fife-based, in the dialect of that region, and containing swearing.
The genesis of the chapbook lay some years earlier, when my story Nae C*nt Said Anyhin was published in an anthology of football stories called The Hope That Kills Us (which anyone that knows anything about Scottish football will know is a brilliant title). Then, when Bloc started producing single-author chapbooks, I was inspired to write a follow up to Nae C*nt, and then the title story. Pat Nevin, the nearest Scotland has to a footballing intellectual, very kindly wrote a foreword.
Truth is though, by the time it was eventually published, Bloc didn’t do as many live shows as we
once had (we were mostly all working on novels, by then) and the opportunity to sell them diminished. About 95 of the original limited edition run of 250 remained, and languished in a box in the attic for many years, back when I had an attic.
However, Bloc have now – very generously – paid me a share of the sales so far, and given me back 80 of them to do with as I please. And what would please me most is to get rid of them!
It’s not that I think these stories are at all bad, by the way. In fact, they’re better than I could write them now, probably. It’s just that my days of writing and promoting fiction are long behind me now, and there’s nothing sadder than a box of unsold books. I’d rather they were out in the world raising a smile or two.
And if you don’t believe me, Scotland on Sunday, reviewing the original anthology the first story appeared in, described it as having: ‘all the energy and vigour of early Irvine Welsh, but with far more humour and nuance.’ So there, Welshy.
So. If you think there’s room in your life for three Fife football fairy sweary stories, get in touch with me via the usual social media (which these days means Facebook) or, if you will, by venus [dot] carmichael [at] gmail [dot] com and I’ll post you a copy.
Honestly, you’d be doing me a favour.
andrewcferguson 
I definitely want a copy (but since I live in the US and it costs a pretty pound to ship, I’ll pay the shipping if you’ll send me an email to pay you back!)
That’s good of you, thanks – I’m sure we can work something out re the postage. Drop me an email with your postal address and I’ll get a copy winging its way to you!
Hi. I’ll take a copy! But only if the postage to the USA isn’t excessive. I’ll send my address via email. Thanks.
Sounds like an interesting read. I’ll email you my address. Have you tried posting your offer on Pie & Bovril? I’m sure you would get a fair bit of interest there. Cheers, Jim
Received safely and now read. I’ll not post any spoilers, but the three stories were very enjoyable, and the characters were brought to life through oor mither tongue. I agreed with your assessment on what the Secret of Scottish Football is. If only we had mair of it!
I’ve decided not to hang on to it for too long though – I’ve passed it on to a workmate, who is, by a strange coincidence, a Raith Rovers fan. Many thanks Andrew.
So glad you enjoyed it! And thanks for checking in. I hope your Raith-supporting mate likes it. Given his adherence, he must have a good sense of humour already.