Chris Scott, photographer extraordinary to the Edinburgh literati, is sick of my face. He claims every event he comes to I’m there, with my beard and my ska hat, clogging up the lens.

He may have a point. By the time I cross the No Man’s Land of the Harthill Services and do Last Monday in Rio on the 16th, (The Rio Cafe, Hyndland Street, Glasgow 16th December, 20.00 till 23.00) I’ll have done 16 performances of various kinds this year, whether that be spouting poetry, ranting prose, or trying to remember guitar chords. 16. That’s more than one a month!

That’s a lot of trips over from the Magic Kingdom of Fife. A lot of time spent away from the wife and wean (who generally don’t complain, bless ’em. Mind you, they seem to treat my absence as an excuse to get a carry out). If I haven’t accepted an invite to come to your gig, and see you do your thing, apologies – there’s only so many times I can negotiate those tramworks… The really amazing thing is, apart from the Venus Carmichael music gigs, and the two Bloc shows, other people have actually asked me to turn up and do my thing.

So thank you, kind event organisers. Your efforts often go unsung and unappreciated. I just wanted to say this performance tart has been very happy to oblige.